"One little boy, One Little Man...

Funny how time flies." - Broken by Tears for Fears (it's the tail end of Head over Heels). I keep coming back to this song on a yearly basis. Not even sure it qualifies for a song, more a snippet. But it encapsulates to me how quickly my munch is growing.

Here I am on the eve of Munch's fourth birthday and I'm feeling oh so nostalgic. How is it possible that he is going to be four tomorrow? This night four years ago, I was a wreck. I was excited, I was nervous, I was scared beyond belief. My first ever surgery, my first ever hospital stay. The last night of just being DH and I.

Here I am four years later with a mixture of happiness, sadness and excitement. I love this little guy more than I could have ever dreamed, more than I could ever put into words. Here we are now a family complete at four, plus our guardians above.

So before I get any more sappy. I thought I would end this with a few pictures over the years on his birthday. Will add his fourth picture tomorrow.

Happy early birthday my munch "I love you all the way to the moon, and back."

Maybe maybe

Good news. Got a voice mail left yesterday saying that the endocrinologist had my scan results and to call and set up an appointment for the 2nd week of January.

Because I generally tend to censor myself due to little ears, I will continue that trend here just because I want to make sure I don't slip in my daily language. But I will tend you I had a not so nice phrase run through my head...2nd week of January? Really??? In no way shape or form is that a good answer or an acceptable one.

So I called this morning and asked to speak to the nurse and shockingly I actually got her. I just said simply I just was curious if I could find out the results of the scan sooner than 2nd week of January. I wanted to know about whether or not I could get back on synthroid as I was not looking forward to being off it for 2 more months. She said she would find out and call me back.

I assumed that I would not hear anything back until closer to five. Imagine my surprise when I had a phone call three hours later from the nurse with the following announcement "Just really quickly, the scan shows uptake on the right side of your throat which is what we want and you can start back on synthroid tomorrow."

So I will take that as long awaited good news, even though I did not get to have her clarify for me and Dr. Google was no help. Regardless, that's enough to tide me over until the 2nd week in January or I get confirmation.

Until I hear in no uncertain terms that I'm clear, I am not officially going to announce anything. But for now we'll go with "which is what we want" as being the beginning of a whole new chapter. I guess I don't know as much as I thought, hmm???

Whatever will I talk about now?

Harvey and the Belly of the Beast

Otherwise known as Harvey's fall picture day.

Today was my scan from my "first" full blown Radioactive Iodine ablation. I had to call yesterday because they never called me to schedule it. It's been three weeks today. The scan was supposed to be at two weeks.


When I called yesterday I got an oops our bad (well, ok a little more professional then that, but it was that sort of drift) and an offer of first thing in the morning. So I went with it.


So first thing this morning we went off and good old Harvey the thyroid and I got to spend quality time in this thing.

A bit claustrophobic, but oddly enough first thing in the morning coupled with the awesome heated hospital blanket provided for a good nap.

No news yet but hopefully this morning will be the last in this chapter.

Happy Day

All in all November 6 was not a bad day. It might have even been considered a good day. It was Lew's night with the monkey. I half-way, sort of, maybe, got to sleep in. The munch and monkey greeted me with their smiles and cards and a gift bag, looking uncharacteristically oh so angelic.

The hockey geek and I both took the day off and took the kiddos to school and just spent the day hanging out, had a nice lunch, did some shopping and just had a chance to reconnect. We had a nice dinner of frozen pizza (try to contain your jealousy) and cake and ice cream. I was serenaded and we blew out the candles together.

A little after the cake and ice cream, my sweet monkey started singing. She doesn't sing so much as she talks but you know when she's doing it. Or at least I can tell. It was a bunch of happy day (Evie's version of Happy Birthday, she can't quite negotiate the full term so it's happy day)and la, la, la. It was truly music to my ears, soft and for only me to hear little arms around my neck and sloppy faced wrapped up with lub ooo mommy happy day. Ah how truly blessed this mommy is. I know from time to time surely my rants have made it not appear that I realize this fact, I truly do.

Of course it was also partially a bittersweet day as well, as it was the one year anniversary of my BFP for what turned out to be my partial molar pregnancy. It's going to be hard not to remember it since it happened on my birthday. So much hope at the time in two little lines. I mentioned this in a confession on a board that this past year was not quite the way I planned and that I suppose that the past year, if it has taught me nothing else it's that things don't always go as hoped for/prayed for and to never assume things are a given, because nothing is ever a given. The one response back to me was "lessons suck sometimes, don't they?"

Ah well, even though things didn't go as I had planned for myself over the past year, it is now water under the bridge and I can for the first time, in a long time, looking forward rather than back.

So I will go ahead and chalk up November 6, 2009 as indeed a very "happy day".

Munch's Monster at the End of this Blog

It's happened we've been invaded. Oh, it was subtle at first a monster here, a monster there. A red growly gus in the closet. But now it's a full scale invasion. Our house is being overrun with monsters. True to monster form they appear only at night, in the scary recesses of a very soon to be four year old's room.

They are impervious to Mommy's super monster cleaning/removal/organizing of the toys and complete overhaul of said four year old's room. They scoff at Daddy's Mega-Monster spray. So while we figure out the most effective form for monster invasion, Mommy and Daddy are having our own little monster infestation better known to us as the Munch.

While it's certainly not ideal, and while I am almost nearly certain that the monsters crept in while mommy was glowing and the family was temporarily relocated while I was in solitary confinement, we haven't figured out a great way to deal with it. I suspect by and large that while Munch, Monkey and Daddy were staying with their Grammy and Paw-Paw and the Munch took up residence in G&P's room /floor that he managed to sneak in between in their bed. Creating a monster of a problem for us to clean up at home. He has slept in his own bed at home only a handful of nights in the two weeks since treatment. So as we figure out the best exterminator for our problem the munch has established guest privileges in our bed. Pass the bad parents award this way in the meantime. We had managed to make it four years without reaching this milestone, and it was one I swore would never happen. Imagine that. Those always seem to be the milestones that find us, the ones we swear we will never, ever happen.

Let me just say though that now I'm actually getting to sleep for longer periods of time and right now that may be the main advantage to the invasion.

"...and you were so scared..."

New Moon on Monday

Ok, so maybe not. Just always loved that title. For those of you who are not children of the 80's it's a pretty spectacular song by the pretty and spectacular Duran Duran boys. Most of whom seemed to age fairly well, or found a good enough make up to cover their sins.

New rule for me never blog when frustrated, must give time and space. I divulged probably way more information than anyone truly cared to know and despite how I thought the review went, I neglected to mention I was still ranked very well and that I was told I do a great job. LOL So most was for naught. I think I was tired and crabby, and just blindsided. But at the same time I heard most reviews were similar in tone, so I guess even more important was that it's not just me. That most walked away feeling the way I did was oddly encouraging to me.

Only two more months until I can start fresh again. Out with the old and in with the new (please, please, please).

A Working Mommy in the Bible Belts Lament

File this under grumpy. Forewarning a mini-vent ahead.

This is not new territory for me, I have it brought it up before. I broach this with the appropriate amount of both fear and trembling. My disclaimer I am not saying anything is right or wrong. These are the thoughts of my heart and my mind.

After a less than perfect day at work, a day in which I willingly stayed late to cover for the person who was working late shift so their Performance Management Review could take place in the appropriate amount of time. A day in which I was told that my focus has not entirely there and that my attendance this year has been less than stellar...hmm extenuating circumstance no? All covered by FMLA and STD no less. A day in which I was also told that they have looked me over for several special projects because there is no telling when I will need to be out for a treatment. Followed closely by comments about prioritizing between sick children, sick mommy and work. Well, you get the idea...

I come home to a letter from someone who has decided to leave her job to become a stay at home Mommy to a soon to be brood of three under five on one salary. While I won't divulge the salary, suffice it to say it's a historically not high paying position. I have no problems with SAHM's I don't, honestly I don't. If they can do it more power to them. We are not in the position for me to do that, not even remotely close. But not too shockingly, I digress, the next sentence is always like nails on a chalkboard to me, "it's going to be tough on our family, but we trust God will provide."

We trust that God will provide? I have no doubt in God's provision. He does provide for us, I believe that. But does that make me any less of a Mom because I recognize that I need to stay at work to contribute? Does that make me less faithful? That is my issue with that statement. By my staying at work, by my refusing to make my husband work two, maybe three jobs so I can stay home, am I doubting God's provision? Will God not reward me for recognizing that children are also a responsibility? As much as it is my responsibility to "train them in the way they should go" it is also just as much my responsibility to provide for them financially as well. Because I work how does that tie to the strength of my faith, or my faith in God's will or provisioning?

How can it be that simple? Especially when I am getting two conflicting pulls. On one hand I allow my outside work life to impact my work focus, only to be told not even two hours later that I doubt God will provide for me because I work. I guess ultimately that's up to God and I to decide and I am accountable only to him. But it is still bothersome to me when it is put out there like that in a neat little package. Most especially when those neat little packages aren't always what they appear to be.